I got very upset after reading one of my friend's entries. Don't ask me who.

I think everyone has his or her right to post whatever comments or thoughts on the blog, because I totally respect the freedom of speech. But I can't bring myself to believe how some people would intentionally or accidentally cause hurt to their friends because of what they wrote in their blogs.

Using the blog as an outlet for venting your frustrations? I do that at times too. I mean, who doesn't? But the most I'd do is to describe the ugly incident vaguely and I certainly don't name names. Cos I know my friend may jolly well read it and I don't want he/she to get affected by my emotions.

I ain't perfect. Sometimes I fail to remember when your birthday is, when you're having exams, what courses you take in school, or how many family members you have at home. But at least I try, and I make it a point to commit them to memory after asking once, or maybe twice. I really do.

Maybe you'll argue everybody has their own way of expression in their blogs. Maybe you think it's ok to name every single person that said something or did something to you that day. Maybe I'm the one at fault cos I neglected the lives of people around me.

Sometimes I'm so horrified by the expectations of others. I once thought expectations only came from parents, teachers or seniors. But today I realise that friends actually expect something out of me as well. Expecting me to be there for them, to care for them occasionally, that I can accept. Expecting me to give in to you all the time, know you from inside-out, and to say yes to your every request, I really am not up to it. Because I'm not a saint.

Then sometimes I wonder what's the use of having tonnes of friends. Do you actually have a chance to know each one of them individually? I'd rather have a small group of friends whom I'll go all out to defend them when people backstab, or make it a point to sit down and chit-chat from dawn till dust. Now I think I'm so naive to believe such friendships exist in this world.

If you need me, I'll be there. But when I'm not there, please don't condemn me and label me as a lousy friend.

I used to think if I should disappear from the face of Earth, my friends probably wouldn't notice my absence. Then I reflected if that was the case, it meant I failed to be a good and sincere friend to my peers around me. Come to think of it now, if I really did DISAPPEAR, who the heck will notice?!

Don't preach to me about "I'll be there when you need me" and stuff. I will really really be there for you, but I'm just so unsure about the other way round. I'm beginning to think that no matter how hard I try, the result is still the same. I can never be a good friend to anybody.

I apologise from the bottom of my heart for being a lousy friend.